“Why did that happen to me?”

Statements or questions along the lines of “I’m trying to understand why this happened to me” abound- especially when events appear to be negative or working “against” us.

Sometimes we become so desperate to ascribe a reason to events that we make something up- sort of like “it must mean that…___”   Fill in the blank here… we assign all kinds of reasons…. some of the more extreme include “… I am being punished” or even “…God doesn’t love me”.

Sometimes these beliefs and judgments are held deeply in our subconscious- so that now we experience the world looking for examples which affirm what we already “know” to be true.  Especially when we have a core judgment that others- including God- are working against us.

The result is perpetual self-imposed victimhood and suffering- sometimes almost a lifetime of it.

The issue lies not in trying to find meaning in the things that happen- the issue is that we see the world and events as happening “to” us.  As if there is some great Conspirator in the sky waiting for the next opportunity to throw us.  Or bless us.  It works both ways. When we see the world as events happening “to” us, this often leads to resentment and animosity towards the “perpetrators”-  be it another human being, or God.

The opportunity for greater growth, peace and loving lies in seeing events as simply happening- without judgment about the event itself.  Imagine, just for a moment, if you could remove yourself from a direct experience- and observe yourself while experiencing. Immediately you are removed from any beliefs or judgments which might taint the experience itself.  You will see what actually happened- not your tainted representation of it.

How we experience events has nothing to do with the events themselves- and everything to do with how we are with ourselves when we experience them.  If I hold judgements and beliefs about the way the world is, or should be, these will determine how I see and react to events around me.  “Outer experience is a reflection of inner reality”, a wonderful teacher once taught me.

If meaning is to be found in our experiences, it is found in observing ourselves as we experience events.  Are we triggered? Upset?  Uncomfortable?  Observing, then exploring our state of being provides insights into beliefs and judgments we are holding which are inhibiting our ability to experience more peace, compassion, and loving in our lives.

A simple example.  I used to be a very stressed-out driver.  Traffic, people “cutting me off”, slowpokes in front of me- all would completely stress me out.  I saw every other car and driver as somehow conspiring against me- as if all these drivers’ sole intention was to ruin my day.  So, of course, my day was ruined.  Not by them, but by how I was holding them in my consciousness.  I was letting the world around me determine my own perception of myself.

Yesterday, a driver pulled in front of me.  I don’t know why- what they were thinking- and it doesn’t matter.  Initially I was upset- and then I realized I was taking an impersonal situation personally.  I also thought about how stressed that person might be to do that- how much suffering they might be experiencing, and felt compassion for them.  It was simply something that happened.  And it had nothing to do with Me- who I am- my worthiness as an individual.  I let go of any judgments I was holding about myself and others.  Acceptance. No more stress.  No suffering.  My day was still bright.

Our primary purpose here is to experience the truth of who we are- and every experience can be of service- in learning more about ourselves and through this connect to the loving consciousness in our hearts.