An Instrument of Your Peace

Can I simply be for something, without also judging those who oppose it?

This is a huge challenge- and opportunity- for me.

I know that when I am making someone else “bad”, I am creating division, judgment and, ultimately, more suffering within me and therefore suffering in the world.  Yet this is an extremely difficult pattern to break for me.

I have recently been doing a lot of reading and research to more objectively understand the state of our world- the division of wealth, the extraction and decimation of our natural resources, and the loss of diversification in our food due to the globalization and industrialization of agriculture.

I eventually found myself demonizing many large corporations and the people who run them, the leaders of the World Bank, politicians in general, and, to some degree, even myself- because I know I play a part in all of this.

I was made aware by a dear friend however, that when I am judging anyone as “bad” or “wrong”- when I am divisive in my heart- I am not effectively contributing to the world, even if my actions are intended to “save the world”.

Can I be for healing, without hating those whose actions create illness?

Can I be for a restorative economy, without judging those who clearcut rainforests or drive Hummers?

Can I be for social justice, without demonizing those who take advantage of the poor and developing countries?

I know in my heart that when I harbor resentment for anyone- for any reason-  I am actually contributing to the sum total of the division and separateness which exists in our Universe.  This energy is real- we feel it in our bodies, and we see it manifest everyday around us in horrific ways- just watch the news.  “Againstness”, and its results,  are rampant everywhere we look.

Even if I believe my acts are good, when I perform those acts from a consciousness of judgment and wrong-making,  my acts only have a fraction of their potential for healing and change- if any at all.

It isn’t what we do so much as it is the energy upon which it is conveyed that truly affects change.  When love and unity are behind our actions, we are powerful.  When divisiveness and animosity possess us, we are no different than those who would enrage us.  This is what made Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela such agents for change.  Not force, but power- the power of an unconditionally loving consciousness.

Mother Theresa once famously said: “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”

I guess she already knew what I’m still learning.  Of course.

We have so many challenges ahead of us as a species.  Those challenges will only be surmounted when we stop demonizing each other.  We need to access our empathy, compassion, and loving not only towards those with whom we agree- but also- and especially- towards those who have points of view very different from our own.

I know in my heart that this is the path to true transformation of our society- from a consciousness of fear and division to a consciousness of compassion and loving.

Can I be for something, without judging anyone who doesn’t agree?  With love in my heart I will do my best.

“Look around you.  Look into the faces of everyone around you.  They are all reflections of you.”

This beautiful statement was made as a woman stood and looked into the faces of 200 souls- who looked back at her and reflected the love and compassion she was feeling in that moment, amplified back to her 200 times.  There was a palpable, unmistakable aura of unity and connection- an energy of which flowed through us all.

This statement is universally true for anyone, at any time.  Look around you.  What do you see?  What you see is a reflection of you.

Outer experience is a reflection of inner reality.  Another way to say this is that whatever thoughts or feelings we are having towards the world around us are a reflection of how we feel within ourselves, or about ourselves.

Can it be that simple?  For a long time I didn’t think so.  I resisted the idea that I am 100% responsible for the way I feel.  What would happen if I stopped blaming everyone around me for the way I feel?  What would happen if I stopped making people around me “wrong”, and judging them?

In short- a miracle.

It’s taken me a while.  It takes courage for me to take responsibility for the way I feel- and even more to look within at the basic judgments and beliefs which are at the core of those feelings.  And the healing- that is less an act of courage and more an act of acceptance, surrender and- in the end- Grace- as I release judgments and beliefs which were at the root of my own self-imposed suffering.

Now the world is a litmus test for me.  And every test an opportunity.

My first litmus test in the morning are my dogs, as they invariably smother me with affection.   Do I accept their love, see it within them, and within me, and love them back?  Or do I get annoyed and push them away?  If it’s the latter, I know I have some internal work to do.  I go outside- take a deep breath- and reconnect.

My family then wakes up, and now I have my second litmus test.  Morning isn’t the best moment for my teenagers.  Regardless of how they are being- do I hold them in my loving and compassion- or- if they are more moody than usual- do I take it personally and feel something much less than compassionate towards them?  In the past, taking my teenagers’ attitude towards me personally was, in fact, a deep rooted judgment- about myself.  Often this did not bring out the best in me- because sometimes the hurt within us manifests as anger or frustration.

So my second litmus test- my family- is a wonderful opportunity to see if my being is clear of self-judgments or beliefs which result in the withholding of my loving energy.  Can I hold my teens in loving compassion, regardless of how they are being?

Now that’s a test.

My third, and final litmus test of every day is when I venture outside into the world.  How do I view the people around me?  Am I annoyed by the lady in the check-out counter who is counting her hundreds of pennies to pay her bill?  Am I judging someone who may not look or act in a way which, in the past, I thought was “normal” or “right”?  When others have ideas or points of view which differ from my own, do I get angry, hold them in contempt, and sit indignantly in my righteousness?  Does the slow driver in front of me piss me off?

If any of these are true (and I rarely go through a day without at least something irritating me)- I know I have something to work out- some underlying belief about myself or about the way the world “should be”- something to heal within me- to bring me into a life of greater peace.

The whole world is a reflection of me.  That is such a blessing.  If I can’t see the love, the miracle, in everything and everyone around me, then I am not seeing the love, and the miracle, in me.

When I finally release the limiting beliefs which obstruct the loving within me, I am finally free to see the loving in everyone else.

“Look around you.  Look into the faces of everyone around you.  They are all a reflection of you. ”

What do you see?

“Why did that happen to me?”

Statements or questions along the lines of “I’m trying to understand why this happened to me” abound- especially when events appear to be negative or working “against” us.

Sometimes we become so desperate to ascribe a reason to events that we make something up- sort of like “it must mean that…___”   Fill in the blank here… we assign all kinds of reasons…. some of the more extreme include “… I am being punished” or even “…God doesn’t love me”.

Sometimes these beliefs and judgments are held deeply in our subconscious- so that now we experience the world looking for examples which affirm what we already “know” to be true.  Especially when we have a core judgment that others- including God- are working against us.

The result is perpetual self-imposed victimhood and suffering- sometimes almost a lifetime of it.

The issue lies not in trying to find meaning in the things that happen- the issue is that we see the world and events as happening “to” us.  As if there is some great Conspirator in the sky waiting for the next opportunity to throw us.  Or bless us.  It works both ways. When we see the world as events happening “to” us, this often leads to resentment and animosity towards the “perpetrators”-  be it another human being, or God.

The opportunity for greater growth, peace and loving lies in seeing events as simply happening- without judgment about the event itself.  Imagine, just for a moment, if you could remove yourself from a direct experience- and observe yourself while experiencing. Immediately you are removed from any beliefs or judgments which might taint the experience itself.  You will see what actually happened- not your tainted representation of it.

How we experience events has nothing to do with the events themselves- and everything to do with how we are with ourselves when we experience them.  If I hold judgements and beliefs about the way the world is, or should be, these will determine how I see and react to events around me.  “Outer experience is a reflection of inner reality”, a wonderful teacher once taught me.

If meaning is to be found in our experiences, it is found in observing ourselves as we experience events.  Are we triggered? Upset?  Uncomfortable?  Observing, then exploring our state of being provides insights into beliefs and judgments we are holding which are inhibiting our ability to experience more peace, compassion, and loving in our lives.

A simple example.  I used to be a very stressed-out driver.  Traffic, people “cutting me off”, slowpokes in front of me- all would completely stress me out.  I saw every other car and driver as somehow conspiring against me- as if all these drivers’ sole intention was to ruin my day.  So, of course, my day was ruined.  Not by them, but by how I was holding them in my consciousness.  I was letting the world around me determine my own perception of myself.

Yesterday, a driver pulled in front of me.  I don’t know why- what they were thinking- and it doesn’t matter.  Initially I was upset- and then I realized I was taking an impersonal situation personally.  I also thought about how stressed that person might be to do that- how much suffering they might be experiencing, and felt compassion for them.  It was simply something that happened.  And it had nothing to do with Me- who I am- my worthiness as an individual.  I let go of any judgments I was holding about myself and others.  Acceptance. No more stress.  No suffering.  My day was still bright.

Our primary purpose here is to experience the truth of who we are- and every experience can be of service- in learning more about ourselves and through this connect to the loving consciousness in our hearts.

Love and Sacrifice.

We bring these words together often.

I attended a church service last Sunday because the sermon was supposed to be about love- instead the pastor focused on sacrifice.

Sacrifice, in the broadest definition, means to give something up for the sake of something else.

The concept that love- with God,  or with others- involves sacrifice has been with us a long, long time- from our earliest ancestors to many modern religions, along with the romantic notion of sacrificing for love in many messages of modern society.

I believe it is time to break that cycle.

Love and sacrifice are two very different ways of being in the world.  Sacrifice can’t exist in love- only love exists in love.  Connecting the two has unfortunately led to unnecessary suffering.

There are two major limiting beliefs at play here- the first is that love is something to be proven or earned; the second related belief is that for something so incredibly amazing to be with us- such as love- there must be a price to pay- that there must be a victim for there to be a victor.

The miracle of love is that it just is.  When we reside in that place of loving within us, we can truly experience that this love has, is, and always will be available to us- and is infinite in its availablility.  The love I refer to is not romantic, simplistic love- but the love we feel when we are intimately connected to our essence.

And here is the other important part- this loving does not have to be earned.  This is the ultimate Grace- that there is this miracle within us always available- for which we need not “do” anything.

Love is not earned.

Love is not proven.

There are no acts- no deals-  necessary.  We are automatically deserving of love- because at our essence, we are love.  Our journey on Earth is much about discovering that basic fact.

Love is accessed when we experience something which reminds us of who we are. Sometimes it is another human being.  Sometimes we connect to our loving when we finally let go of judgments or limiting beliefs which had been barriers to accessing love.  Sometimes it is simply an act of surrendering completely to the beauty of what is.  We center ourselves in our loving and find that performing acts of service are natural- perhaps even compelling- when our being is one of loving.

The trouble comes in when we are no longer operating from our loving.  We may be in a relationship or in a situation where our ego has convinced us that we are giving something up- and our actions are coming from a feeling of obligation, duty, or responsibility.  Suddenly we quickly succumb to victim mentality- the energy of sacrificing- of giving something up- for others.

We take this energy many places- we “sacrifice” for our children, for our parents, for the planet;  we take on these huge responsibilities and choose to see it all as a sacrifice. Responsibility, duty, obligation, sacrifice.  We pile one on top of the other and pretty soon we’re exhausted and spent.  Sometimes we even wind up with feelings of resentment for the exact people for whom we are supposed to be loving.  We tell them “Look at everything I have sacrificed for you….”, and create more guilt and perpetuate the cycle that love must mean sacrifice, and that must be painful.

Sometimes we are so convinced that love and sacrifice are inextricably linked that when others aren’t, from our point of view, “sacrificing” enough for us, we take that to mean they don’t love us.  Or even that we aren’t worthy of love.

And none of this is true.

There is another way.

When I serve others, and my action is coming from my loving- it is an act of loving- not an act of sacrifice.

Sacrifice means that we are giving up something valuable for something else.

When I act from love- the only thing I am giving up is not acting from love.  That’s not a sacrifice.  That’s a choice.  An obvious choice.

I believe this to be true in even the most extreme examples- of course I would give my life for the life of my child- yet this act is not an act of sacrifice- it is an act of love.  The alternative is not an alternative for me- so I am sacrificing nothing.  I am making a choice which is clear to me.

We have a choice every moment of every day- from where will our energy, and our actions come.  When we are in the mentality of responsibility and sacrifice, our energy is coming from a place of victimhood, of needing to earn, repay or owe something.  When we choose loving, then love will energize our actions, and loving acts will ensue.  The acts may look the same- however the energy conveyed through ourselves, others, and the universe is very different.

Much of my life I lived in a place of  responsibility, and sacrifice for others- so much so that fear was my driving force- fear of “letting others down”.  Unfortunately that fear also inhibited my own loving essence- to the detriment of my family, the world, and myself.  Now I am learning to first choose love- and allow that love to guide and energize my actions.

It is interesting that the Latin roots of the word sacrifice- “sacer” and “facer”- literally mean to “make sacred”.

I can think of no act more sacred than an act of unconditional loving.   Creating a victim- even if it is oneself- is not a sacred act.  God does not intend for us to suffer, or to cause others to suffer. He wants us to transcend suffering- through the connection to, and experience of, love above all else.  What better way to honor this gift than to see and experience acts of loving as the ultimate sacred acts- without the need to overlay our concept of “sacrifice”?

When I drive my daughter to school in the early hours of the morning, in the rain or cold, so she can attend her various activities- it is an act of service from the love I share with her- not a sacrifice or obligation. I can’t imagine anything I would rather be doing.

When I choose to recycle and find other ways of reducing my impact on the Earth- it is coming from a place of loving connection and caring for the gifts of beauty around me- not from a sense of obligation.  I love the earth, and when I am in that energy, I care for her.

When our “being” is infused with love, our “doing” are acts of loving service.  In loving there are no limits, no such thing as “not enough”, and no concept of scarcity of supply, or giving up anything.  Those are just some of the miracles of love.

“Intense Love does not measure- it just gives” -Mother Theresa

If we are in a situation where we truly can’t find the loving in ourselves or the acts we are doing- it is time to pause and reflect on our motivations, perspectives, and priorities in our lives.  Perhaps we need to spend some time with ourselves, in our own sacred spaces,  to re-connect to the loving within us.  Perhaps we need to find some underlying limiting belief about the world, or judgment about ourselves or others which needs to be released.  Whatever the underlying reason, it is important to take the time necessary to resolve the underlying issue so that our energy can again come from loving.

When we put things back in the order in which it was intended- and connect to our loving inside of us- and let that be the energy which guides us and  fuels our actions- we become what we were intended to become- loving beings connecting more intimately with the Divine within us- and sharing that divine love through acts of unconditional service.

That is the ultimate sacred act.

I’ve been thinking a lot about abundance recently.

For some reason I see the word a lot, and it seems where ever I look, we are seeking abundance- in many different forms.

Many of us are buying more and more stuff- whether we can afford it or not.

Some of us are seeking as much money as we can possibly earn- and devote all of our energy to the task- at the expense of others, of loved ones, and the planet.

Others are “manifesting” abundance – very focused on creating our heartfelt desires through positive imaging and other tools and techniques.  It so happens that many of these “heartfelt desires” have something to do with earning more money, achieving notoriety,  having more “stuff”, and finding life partners.

Before I go on, I want to be very clear that I find nothing “wrong” or “bad” about wanting and having things in life which allow us to live comfortably.  It is in our very nature to want security, comfort, and loving relationships.  A feeling of abundance, however, does not ultimately come from these things.

When people are seeking abundance- what we are actually seeking is a feeling of being complete- of being “filled full”- fulfilled- a point where one realizes that there really isn’t anything else needed to complete us.

What all these efforts have in common is that the reference point for achieving abundance is the belief that something “out there” will bring abundance to our lives.  We are endlessly completing this sentence:  “If I only had a …… I would be happy and complete.”

This creates a significant issue; by always looking “out there” for things which will bring abundance, we fail to look in the place where the only true abundance really lies- within.  You see- abundance is not something we get- it is something we experience.

Within each of us is a well which overflows with a source of abundance so rich, so rewarding, and so uplifting that once one has tasted its waters all the stuff we thought we always wanted carry much less meaning or weight.  This source of abundance has always been there, and will always be there- many of us simply haven’t looked inside to find it.

What is this magical source of abundance?

Simply put- the love within us.  A connection to that part of us which is the source of a loving so limitless and powerful and ultimately full-filling.

Many will read the word “love” and immediately think externally again.  “But love is something I can only get with someone else…..”  Can you see that?   Again, we are looking “out there” for something which is “in here”- in our hearts.

Some of us will deny the existence of something like this inside of us.  We couldn’t possibly be worthy of something so beautiful and completing- and it must certainly be earned.

How do we access this magical source of abundance?  Well, this “secret” is not so secret- and has been explained- again and again- by so many wise beings on this planet.  Gratitude. Kindness. Compassion. Forgiveness- for others and, just as importantly, for ourselves.  We let go of old stories which have kept us in mentalities of fear and scarcity, and release judgments of ourselves and others which have kept us separated from our truest nature.  We live in the present moment and revel in the beauty of the world around us.  In its ultimate expression, it is an act of total surrender and vulnerability.  A basic knowing and experiencing of our own inherent worthiness, perfection, and loving nature, and bringing that into the world in whatever we do.

This work comes easier for some than others.  There are many forces which prevent us from looking and exploring within.  Fear of what we will find, and the need to face and resolve some of our darker experiences.  Our Egos are powerful detractors- relentlessly convincing us that we need to get or prove something “out there” in order to be worthy, and  convincing us that we are our thoughts.

Our purpose on this planet is not to get a lot of “stuff”.  Our purpose is to re-connect with, and express, that part of us which is of Love- and, as some would say, the Divine within us.  For those who argue that God wants us to live lives of abundance- yes, that is true.  However- the primary definition of the abundance referred to here is not monetary or material wealth- but abundance of loving.  This way, God experiences, through us, that which He is.

The Kingdom of Heaven is, indeed, within all of us.

Does that mean we are to live destitute, complacent lives?  Of course not.  However, the distinction here is what is primary, and what is secondary.  When we are connected to the loving inside of us, that is the energizing principle which fuels all of the remaining activity “out there”.  We become less attached to “success” as defined in the material world, and “abundance” as characterized by having a lot of stuff or money- because we have already experienced the ultimate expression of limitless abundance within us.  We may be famous and rich- some would say this is even more likely when we are fueled by our hearts.  We may also live lives of humility, modesty, and service- and just as much abundance will be experienced because our primary source and definition of fulfillment and success- connection with our loving- has already completed us.  And through it all- the output of our work- will now reflect the loving inside of us and so can only help to light the way for others.

There are many forces out there working against us in this quest for true abundance.  Everywhere we look, everywhere we go, the underlying messages are that we aren’t good enough- if only we have this, or wear that, or look like them- we would really be worthy and oh- by the way- here is a place you can go to buy your way to worthiness, abundance, and happiness.  Even our leaders tell us to go shopping in times of distress.

They are all empty promises.  And sadly, much of our modern economy and economic growth expectations are based on us believing that we aren’t inherently good enough.

This is a tenuous foundation- that the underlying drivers of our consumption-based industrial model depend on us believing we are unworthy, and distracting us from finding our truest source of abundance.

It’s actually a little frightening and, if viewed from a certain perspective, a kind of mass delusion.  Hysteria.  Or Hysterical.  Depends on your vantage point.

I recently returned from a trip to Nepal, where I was fortunate to spend time with Sherpa communities in the more remote regions of the Solukhumbu.  They live very simple lives- small farms, extremely modest homes, a few goats and some chickens, perhaps.  And their smiles- at every turn- ignited my heart.  There was so much authenticity, connectedness, gratitude and appreciation for that which they do have.  There was joy everywhere- and no cars, no TV’s or video games, no massive wardrobes and 4000 square foot homes.  The contrast I experienced when I returned to the US, walked off the plane and through the terminal- where most people looked grim- sad- searching- with their eyes turned down into some electronic device or another- was remarkable.

The message here is remarkably simple.

Stop searching “out there” for abundance. Sit quietly, perhaps with a loved one, and revel in gratitude for all that we have.

Finally release those old stories of fear, scarcity, and the innaccurate belief that we are unworthy- and through that re-connect to and experience our true nature.

Be more conscious of the messages around us which attempt to mislead and manipulate us- they aren’t true, and never were.

Share the miracle and gift we are with others- with acts of kindness, compassion, and loving.

And feel the shift, as true abundance- abundance of loving-kindness, again fills our hearts.